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This is a rule I had to stand by when at UC Berkeley and I stand by it still.
Our guests generously and openly share their journeys of resilience, growth and fulfilment.
month, we figured we'd switch the roles, and ask some of our favorite male musicians, comedians and writers which dudes they found themselves drawn to many moons ago, out of admiration, sexually, or both!
Unsurprisingly, the answers we got back were as varied as the gentlemen we talked to.
Like many men of my generation, I learned that any attraction to straight men was to be kept secret.
We were lucky to be accepted (even sort of) by heterosexual guys and so we were careful to behave ourselves so as not to offend them.
Keeping gestures of affection contained, being careful about eye contact, and minimizing hugs (no kisses, please) was the rule.
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We have always known the danger of even normal displays of affection, such as alienation, rejection, being shamed.However, toward the end of the meal, David became shy and didn’t have the guts to offer his phone number. Anyway, our young waiter was a smooth, secure and sincere guy who could clearly hold his own, regardless of the company. “Sure,” he responded, “to get something done I need done! This was not a man in his 20s flirting with men in their 20s. Find something interesting, appeal to whatever he excels in and he will feel important. Those who can look directly into the eyes of another man and not break away will have a foothold in the relationship immediately.I decided to take on the task of passing his number to the waiter on our way out. The waiter was appreciative and seemed flattered, but something didn’t feel quite right. He could flirt with gay men and not be out of his comfort zone, but he is attracted to women. So, I asked a straight male acquaintance in his early 20s about flirting with gay men. ” It makes sense, a shrewd nice looking younger man uses his charm and doesn’t happen to care if the interaction is with a gay man. Several gay male friends and I somehow started talking about how gay and straight men interact so differently than they once did (not so long ago). He is in his early 60s flirting with straight corporate men his age. Make eye contact and touch him just a little bit.” He wasn’t worried about appearing to be gay, and neither was my 20-year-old friend. Those who are self-conscious and play it safe will be at a disadvantage across the board.a beautiful stranger is into us, only to find out later that they're playing for the other team.On more than one occasion, I've gotten into deep, two-hour-long chats with men like this at a bar, at the office or on an airplane. The encounters often start like this: When we first meet, his rugged looks and complete lack of a gay voice lead me to think there's no way he's queer.Out to dinner one evening, my friends and I all appreciated our waiter’s dashing looks and sincere charm.But of the three of us, only one was not married and thus free to pursue what seemed like some flirtation on the waiter’s part.How refreshing that the old divisions have all but disappeared.The following week, a funny thing happened that kept me on the subject.For a millisecond he seemed hesitant, which was surprising because he had definitely been flirtatious; and he wasn’t offended, just awkward. “We are just two humans having fun together,” he added. Mike, a very high-end corporate type, shared one of his secrets to success. Now that is secure, I thought, far from the caution and reserve I described earlier! As gay men we should take some tips from these men who are simply comfortable in their own skin: The lesson is that everyone can loosen up, especially gay men who, for so long, have had to be careful about letting others really know them. It’s time to enjoy our greater freedom, flexibility and mutual connection.Then I asked him whether a gay man flirting with him would be okay. I consider a flirt from a lesbian woman towards me as more or less the same as a flirt from a man; as long as it does not cross the line between friendly chat and gets grabby or starts assuming more about me than I have said or intentionally implied, fine.