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Dating someone whose divorce is not final
The good news is that you’re with an excellent communicator.He has feelings for you, but has openly expressed his reservations as well.
To bring it back to you, Sunshine, your guy is in a position that millions of divorcees confront as they’re getting back out into the dating market. Because you have clarity, you think it should be equally obvious for your partner. Be thankful that you have a man who respects you enough to speak his mind, be cautious that his reservations are legitimate, and be respectful of the fact that his process might be trickier than your process.
He likes you, he’s attracted to you, he desires a long-term relationship…but just doesn’t know if he’s ready to dive in again. All I can say is that I guarantee that you will definitely not fall in love if you cut him off out of fear; you at least have a chance if you let him come to his own conclusions. Maybe there is a part of the letter that was cut before posting, but I don’t see where he says that he wants a LTR (and nothing that says he doesn’t).
He’s scared, has not felt this way before, and doesn’t know what is next.
The divorce will be final within the next 2 months and I think it just really hit him, thought he thought he was doing fine.
Apart from him declaring his blind love and devotion, you can’t ask for much more than that. Lots of women say they want the truth; few of them know what to do when they receive it. Women always want to know what men are thinking, yet when we let you into our thought process, you immediately find fault – basically because we think things that you wouldn’t want to hear. “Yes, I’m attracted to other women.” “No, I’m not positive humans are biologically programmed for monogamy.” “Yes, I’m having reasonable doubts about whether we’re meant to be as a couple.” These are perfectly fair thoughts that men usually don’t express, to protect you.
Then again, just because we have a thought doesn’t mean that we don’t have equally contradictory thoughts.
As a dating coach/expert, what do you think of the idea of dating someone who is still in the process of divorce?
Do you advise your clients to take the date or run as quick as possible?
He’s as in touch with his feelings as a man can get, I think, so hopefully he can work through this and move on, hopefully with me. Because this isn’t a matter about which I can give you any reassurance.
All we can do is look at the facts objectively, and then assess your tolerance for risk.