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In my article on why guys suddenly lose interest, I discussed how caring too much or stressing over your relationship can irreparably damage it. When you eliminate the care (or worry or stress or whatever you want to call it), you are free to really be in the relationship.
The article sparked an avalanche of e-mails and comments from women who were feeling panicked over the state of their relationship. You can see the other person for who he is and you can give yourself to him freely – no strategy, no game-playing, no manipulation. You can just be and there is no greater feeling than that. How do we stop our minds from spinning into overdrive, sending out waves of unpleasant thoughts and alarm bells? First, you need to realize that getting all wound up over the state of your relationship serves no purpose, ever.
This little exercise will help you train your mind to stay calm and avoid spinning into a frenzy.
It will help you gain control over your thoughts and your mood, and this will be of major benefit to you and your relationship.
The problem is our minds trick us into believing there is some sort of payoff to this type of thinking.
Like it will somehow lead us to a place of confidence and clarity. It will lead you in the opposite direction, rather, and cause you to feel even more uncertain and insecure. A relationship isn’t a measure of your worth or worthiness in this world.
So you enter into the relationship as your best self and then one of two things happens: it works out, or it doesn’t.
And if it doesn’t, you’re OK because you know that it just means you weren’t a matforith that person.
Most understood the point I was making in the article, but rather than relaxing and just going with the flow, they wanted to know: “How can I fix it if I was stressing too much? It causes problems within the relationship, and more importantly, it takes a huge toll on your sense of self and self-esteem.
The next step is to get to the root of it and figure out how to solve it.
It doesn’t mean you’re flawed or damaged or bad or unlovable. Sometimes you’ll be able to see this, and sometimes the other person will have that clarity.
Either way, if it doesn’t work, it’s because it wasn’t the right fit. If you can realize this, A lot of us make the mistake of prematurely freaking out over something that really turns out to be absolutely nothing.