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Dating newly divorced man advice
), it's easy to end up blurting out the wrong thing.
You may meanto say, "I'm worried for you," but you end upsaying, "How will you take care of your family now?
"One said, 'You can't complain that it's hard to be a single parent because you asked for this.'" What stings here is that you're saying your friend isn't "competent enough to go it alone," explains Dr. "Your friend is likely already worried about supporting her family," she adds.
It's better to reframe your concerns in a softer way, says Honaman. Will you be able to stay home with the kids, or do you need help finding a higher-paying job?
"It might be your way of saying, 'It won't happen to us because we don't believe in it!
' or 'We'll keep trying.'" The only thing you can say instead is…nothing.
"You're foisting your own value system on your friend, which is insulting." What if the divorce wasn't her idea, it was an abusive relationship or she tried––but failed––to get her husband into couples therapy?
Often, your own fear of divorce is behind comments like these, says Honaman.
Still, this comment comes across as selfish, says Honaman. " One of Helen's* friends said exactly that, bitterly suggesting thatthey throw themselves a man-bashing party. I wasn't happy with my ex, but I don't hate all men!
It's not like she should stay with her husband solely to keep your social life unruffled! " You may think a comment like this sounds sisterly and supportive, or even funny, but it may strike your friend––who could be feeling hopeful about her romantic future––as unbearably negative.
That's because a statement like this, again, can sound like you think you know more about the marriage than your friend does—and worse, that you're taking his side.
Remember, even if they seemed like the perfect couple, or he seemed like a top-notch spouse, outsiders (which includes you! If you feel badly for her ex, don't lead with that.